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Interventions: The Actor Next Door

OCTOBER 20, 2008

Good walls make good neighbors

You're relaxing in your apartment after work, watching TV. In the background you can hear the voice of your next door neighbor. All of a sudden from next door you hear "If you think I'm going to sit here knowing that you tried to KILL her and her mother BOTH…" Then silence. Then: screams. Blood-curdling, horror-flick shrieks imploring some assailant to keep his distance. By this time your TV's off and you've got your hand on the phone. You remember you have your neighbor's number from when you fed her cat that time last year. "Helooo?" A perky, un-bloodcurdling voice answers.

"Um…are you ok?"

"Who is this?"

You explain that maybe the weird movie you were watching had you a little freaked out but you thought you heard some really loud screams and you just thought you'd… At that point your neighbor's voice dissolves into laughter as she explains that she's rehearsing her lines for the soap opera role she's just gotten, wondering out loud how many other neighbors she's scared the bejesus out of.

For mere noise or nuisance, 311 is the one to memorize. Long-term solutions: Suggest that your thespian neighbor rent a rehearsal space, or consider soundproofing. And be thankful she doesn't play the drums.